As I was debating the topic on which to write (cleaning, cabin fever, dancing like a maniac with my best friend...), this question came to me: what does it mean to be truly "feminine"?
A few weeks ago I got a new pair of sweatpants. They're black with blue and teal letters stitched on that say something about Aeropostle. These pants are warm, comfy, flattering by conventional standards, and slightly to long. Right after I bought them, I walked into the living room to show them to my Mom who said "You know, I think you look for feminine in those pants than you do in your long skirts," (I wear a lot of long skirts). To this I had a brilliant reply! It was something about her merely being subject to the conventional rules of society regarding femininity, which translates into showing off your figure... and skin. She completely bashed my argument by saying she could actually tell I was a girl when I wore the pants since they showed that I possess legs.
That argument makes me wonder, do I need to show my legs and chest to be seen as a woman? If I do, I gather lustful attention, which obviously I do not approve of; however, when I wear skirts, people avoid me like the plague! Seems lose-lose to me.
In my religion class last semester, there was a decent amount of discussion on sexual equality (or lack of), particularly in Eastern religions. For example, in India there are lots of arranged marriages, particularly in more rural communities. Aside from the women being property aspect and often being murdered by the grooms family, the idea of arranged marriages in America seems horrific. A new side was presented to me though: that that way the girl can focus on her job and her family and religion and not need to worry about exposing herself to attract a mate.
Here in America in order to be considered "attractive" or even "pretty" you need push up bras and short shorts and low cut tops. Most people know this, of course. Why is this needed though? In our over sexed society, lust rules. Unfortunately, it is justified by saying that it's "natural", but that reduces us to animals.
So I petition a different way, one that I feel is often overlooked. Yay moderation! In other words, not wearing man clothes, feeling obliged to long skirts (unless you like them as much as I), and also not dressing up like a hooker. Shorts can be nice and feminine, but really ladies? I don't want to see your underwear hangin' out. It's just trashy. What about that GORGEOUS yet sadly low-cut top at the mall? Cami's are a girls best friend (especially the bright colored ones that can really spice up an outfit!).
Gosh, I sound old-fashioned... but smart girls, kind girls, modest girls, and the girls who don't walk like ducks to draw attention to the boobs and butts are the best kind. Not saying you can't kiss the boyfriend or wear a skirt above the knee, but having a line drawn is something that I wish I'd done from the very beginning.
This is very ramble-esque, so I think I'll stop now. Having a line drawn on cussing, clothing, boys, and the amount of pink you wear are all important to think on though ;)
Showing posts with label Daily Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daily Life. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Privacy
I hide my thoughts inside my head,
It's the only safe place left.
Pages are easily opened and read,
While the mind is not easily cleft.
There is no privacy in sight.
I must not leave a living light,
An active thought recorded.
All that comes of dreams is plight.
Who can say when musing is right?
When subconscious music,
Droning placidly hypnotic
Finally finds the surface,
It wanders, stoic;
Ever tracking the chaotic.
They flit aimlessly, lost.
Confused, cold as frost
They linger, like long winters.
With anger they're embossed,
Finally, they're glossed.
In other words, I dare
To challenge that it's fare
To hold my mind captive;
Without a breathe of air,
Or a neighbor to compare.
Through this exposure,
I now plea:
Give me some closure
Or privacy!
It's the only safe place left.
Pages are easily opened and read,
While the mind is not easily cleft.
There is no privacy in sight.
I must not leave a living light,
An active thought recorded.
All that comes of dreams is plight.
Who can say when musing is right?
When subconscious music,
Droning placidly hypnotic
Finally finds the surface,
It wanders, stoic;
Ever tracking the chaotic.
They flit aimlessly, lost.
Confused, cold as frost
They linger, like long winters.
With anger they're embossed,
Finally, they're glossed.
In other words, I dare
To challenge that it's fare
To hold my mind captive;
Without a breathe of air,
Or a neighbor to compare.
Through this exposure,
I now plea:
Give me some closure
Or privacy!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Lets Fight.
I have improved. At least that's what I've been told, and that I have a good aptitude for fighting. If I could only silence my anger and fear, then things could be golden.
A couple weeks back I sparred with my "brother" Lee (who happens to be a black belt), both because it sounded fun and because I'd like to know how to defend myself. For a long time, as long as I can remember, I've wanted to know how to fight. To be one of those bad ass chicks who can wipe jerks who step out of line on the floor, doesn't that sound thrilling? Having the swag of someone who has nothing to be afraid of... that feeling of confidence lures me like mermaid song.
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth... I mean, in the beginning, I really sucked. Almost all the punches and pokes got right through my feeble blocks and I was clueless as to how to defend myself against locks. When we finished I was covered in bruises, rather sore into the next day, but confident that I could get better. Even throughout that evening I learned a few things, like how to keep myself from getting choked, how to break my wrists free if someone has them, and to NEVER expose my back (while I learned this, I still forget from time to time...).
On Sunday night we sparred again, and I was faced with ankle locks, twisted arms, painful blocks, over-stretched muscles, and blocked arteries. Evidently, I almost blacked out, but I don't remember that. However, even though I got more injuries than the last time, I managed to deal out my share! More than once, even if it didn't last, I was on the offensive with all the advantage. Lee received a fair share of bruises. All that was missing was my will, the actual desire to win.
That needs to be rephrased. I WANTED to win with all my heart, but even though by nature I am a violent person, even though I talk some smack, I never truly want or enjoy inflicting pain on others. In order to succeed, a few rules need to be broken. This is generally true of most things in life. My fear of failure, my fear of actually hurting someone (which is for somewhat selfish reasons I'd rather not speak of), and my fear of success to some degree, keep me where I am.
Now, through my desire to overcome fear and reach a goal I've had for so long, I will continue to fight with a slightly bigger purpose than I originally intended. At least I can have fun with this goal! I'm thankful for those in my life who help me to see my problems and address them in ways I understand. Whether they be Lee who helps me fight, my sweetheart who helps me with things of the soul, or my Mother who helps me in daily life. So now, my loves, for all that matters in this life and the next, lets fight.
A couple weeks back I sparred with my "brother" Lee (who happens to be a black belt), both because it sounded fun and because I'd like to know how to defend myself. For a long time, as long as I can remember, I've wanted to know how to fight. To be one of those bad ass chicks who can wipe jerks who step out of line on the floor, doesn't that sound thrilling? Having the swag of someone who has nothing to be afraid of... that feeling of confidence lures me like mermaid song.
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth... I mean, in the beginning, I really sucked. Almost all the punches and pokes got right through my feeble blocks and I was clueless as to how to defend myself against locks. When we finished I was covered in bruises, rather sore into the next day, but confident that I could get better. Even throughout that evening I learned a few things, like how to keep myself from getting choked, how to break my wrists free if someone has them, and to NEVER expose my back (while I learned this, I still forget from time to time...).
On Sunday night we sparred again, and I was faced with ankle locks, twisted arms, painful blocks, over-stretched muscles, and blocked arteries. Evidently, I almost blacked out, but I don't remember that. However, even though I got more injuries than the last time, I managed to deal out my share! More than once, even if it didn't last, I was on the offensive with all the advantage. Lee received a fair share of bruises. All that was missing was my will, the actual desire to win.
That needs to be rephrased. I WANTED to win with all my heart, but even though by nature I am a violent person, even though I talk some smack, I never truly want or enjoy inflicting pain on others. In order to succeed, a few rules need to be broken. This is generally true of most things in life. My fear of failure, my fear of actually hurting someone (which is for somewhat selfish reasons I'd rather not speak of), and my fear of success to some degree, keep me where I am.
Now, through my desire to overcome fear and reach a goal I've had for so long, I will continue to fight with a slightly bigger purpose than I originally intended. At least I can have fun with this goal! I'm thankful for those in my life who help me to see my problems and address them in ways I understand. Whether they be Lee who helps me fight, my sweetheart who helps me with things of the soul, or my Mother who helps me in daily life. So now, my loves, for all that matters in this life and the next, lets fight.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Unjournalling, Day 17
Elaborate on the sentence "The dog barked" by making it as interesting and detail filled as possible.
Barking softly under it's breath, the moose sized dog twitched in it's sleep.
Well that was easy (ooh, Staples, what now?). I would like to wish everybody a happy Hanukkah, may the festival of lights shining brightly reflect your hearts! Now, I do need to say that I *am not* Jewish, but I do enjoy participating in the Jewish traditions that so fervently influences my own faith. Yeshua was Jewish, not Christian, so there doesn't seem to be any reason to me to part from the ways He doubtlessly followed. Obviously I do not perfectly follow the Torah (nobody can really...), but I do make a decent effort with what tools I have available. Since I am still learning, as we all are, I may make incorrect statements from time to time. Feel free to correct me!
Barking softly under it's breath, the moose sized dog twitched in it's sleep.
Well that was easy (ooh, Staples, what now?). I would like to wish everybody a happy Hanukkah, may the festival of lights shining brightly reflect your hearts! Now, I do need to say that I *am not* Jewish, but I do enjoy participating in the Jewish traditions that so fervently influences my own faith. Yeshua was Jewish, not Christian, so there doesn't seem to be any reason to me to part from the ways He doubtlessly followed. Obviously I do not perfectly follow the Torah (nobody can really...), but I do make a decent effort with what tools I have available. Since I am still learning, as we all are, I may make incorrect statements from time to time. Feel free to correct me!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Running
Recently my life has just been run, run, run, all day long. On Friday I got up early, went to the boyfriend's house, and was there until midnight. Yesterday I went to the closest big city with Byron and another friend for his birthday. After I got home, I went out with my dad bowling and to get some ice cream. That was another long day, till about midnight. Now today I was woken up by James walking into my bedroom, it was rather embarrassing. He's never seen me before taking a shower and brushing my teeth before! We hung out all day, went to a Christmas party, and he just left a little while ago.
By this time, I am just so worn out that I'm thinking of canceling my morning plans with Byron and just sleeping in. That, in other words, was my long excuse for slacking on the daily posts. Tomorrow afternoon I shouldn't be doing anything, and will be getting caught up. Sorry about the delay, but soon things should be back to normal. The holidays justs ruin everything, ya know?
By this time, I am just so worn out that I'm thinking of canceling my morning plans with Byron and just sleeping in. That, in other words, was my long excuse for slacking on the daily posts. Tomorrow afternoon I shouldn't be doing anything, and will be getting caught up. Sorry about the delay, but soon things should be back to normal. The holidays justs ruin everything, ya know?
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Tell Me a Story
This afternoon I had a "final" with my English teacher. Actually, all it was was a conference where we discussed my writing and where I was going from comp 1. It went very well, and she turned me on the the website www.smithmag.net (really cool site, definitely worth going to!). Tonight I went there, turned in a few 6 word memoirs with back story, one longer memoir (it was ok, didn't bother with too much editing though), and had a good evening.
It's all I can hope for that my memoirs and writing gets noticed, I should probably edit them more in order to legitimately hope though! When I have that new memoir fixed I'll post it here and fix it there. Impatient me though couldn't wait to edit.
Sidetracked! I know not many people read this, but as a person who is curious about everything I'd love to know your stories, or at least one of them. Give me a six word summary, a six page story, or a whole lifetime, it all sounds fascinating to me. We all deserve our thousand words, and sometimes it's easier to type or write than to speak.
I found a cool picture, what does this evoke to you?
It's all I can hope for that my memoirs and writing gets noticed, I should probably edit them more in order to legitimately hope though! When I have that new memoir fixed I'll post it here and fix it there. Impatient me though couldn't wait to edit.
Sidetracked! I know not many people read this, but as a person who is curious about everything I'd love to know your stories, or at least one of them. Give me a six word summary, a six page story, or a whole lifetime, it all sounds fascinating to me. We all deserve our thousand words, and sometimes it's easier to type or write than to speak.
I found a cool picture, what does this evoke to you?
Unjournalling, Day 11
In one paragraph I have to describe a scene from any sport using these words: bounced, struggled, collapsed, and giggled. I am choosing to describe when my sweetheart got racked with a soccer ball a year ago, and I just want to make clear that at the time I didn't actually giggle...
The ball flew through the air, and bounced toward the Viking's goal. A member from each team spied the ball, and they both struggled furiously to gain control. The apposing team landed a harsh kick on the ball, but it was stopped, unfortunately, by a Viking defensive player. He fell to the ground in pain. After a moment, the audience realized what had happened, and they roared in shock. Being the horrible person I am, I couldn't restrain my giggles at the fallen player's bad luck.
A few things must be clarified now: his dad "giggled" more than I did; and since it was November, 30 something out, and raining there wasn't a big enough crowd to actually make a roar. Regardless, it was a pretty intense scene for those who were there and were paying attention. The Vikings didn't win, but they fought hard all evening. Even better news was that James took no permanent damage!
The ball flew through the air, and bounced toward the Viking's goal. A member from each team spied the ball, and they both struggled furiously to gain control. The apposing team landed a harsh kick on the ball, but it was stopped, unfortunately, by a Viking defensive player. He fell to the ground in pain. After a moment, the audience realized what had happened, and they roared in shock. Being the horrible person I am, I couldn't restrain my giggles at the fallen player's bad luck.
A few things must be clarified now: his dad "giggled" more than I did; and since it was November, 30 something out, and raining there wasn't a big enough crowd to actually make a roar. Regardless, it was a pretty intense scene for those who were there and were paying attention. The Vikings didn't win, but they fought hard all evening. Even better news was that James took no permanent damage!
Monday, December 12, 2011
My Kitchen, Finally, Is Clean! (to me...)
Due to how short that last pathetic little unjournalling post was, I think I'll share my life story. Not really. Just a segment, like how amazingly clean my kitchen is. Check this out:
Now, I realize to all the neat-freaks out there (for whom I have the highest respect, I might even sell my soul to join your ranks) this might look filthy, but for me this is the product of 3 hours of labor. The sink does not shine like a Fly-Lady sink, the floor doesn't sparkle, but to me it is beautiful in almost every way. I am proud. The countertops do not have food on them, no dishes are coated in mold. There is even usable space available for cooking!
It suprises me every time I clean how easy it is to keep that way. For about two weeks or I spend time with friends anyway! Hopefully (I do pray this now with all my heart), I can make this last for a whopping three weeks! Dreams do come true, right? Especially when you pay your best friend to do it for you... he's just cool like that.
It suprises me every time I clean how easy it is to keep that way. For about two weeks or I spend time with friends anyway! Hopefully (I do pray this now with all my heart), I can make this last for a whopping three weeks! Dreams do come true, right? Especially when you pay your best friend to do it for you... he's just cool like that.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Bummin'
May the picture below of a wadded up hoodie chilling on my bed set the tone for this post. That's pretty much how it'll go, just bummin'.
Just have to say, tight writing kills my soul a little when I use it so much. Since it's midnight on a Saturday and I have nothing to do, I think I'll roll up my sleeves and have a little fun. Loosen the metaphorical corset that makes my writing sound like I have a stick up my bum and dress down my writing to a sweatshirt.
What to say what to say... In class, my English teacher always tells us to "Cut all the fluff from your writing! Any extra words just sound like hiccups that trip the eye, it's distracting and not a good form of writing." She would be so ashamed of me! On the general road of quotes here, my mother has been getting onto me to post about my real life, and not just prompts or tight essays, humor is difficult for me though, being the perfect child I am! As if, of course, however, this is going nowhere...
Tonight my dad came over, every Friday we have a "date", you know. The general routine is dinner, movie or TV show, then he leaves. Recently, however, I have successfully coaxed him into playing wii games with me (those games are never fun by yourself). On this lovely and cold evening, I got the privilege of gently laughing at his epic failure at golf, tease him about tennis, and help him not to throw the ball into the crowd in bowling. We give each other a hard time, and that's usually the best part.
Out of all the games we played this evening, Dance on Broadway (or some similar name, I have no intention of getting up to find out, it's 50-something in this house) was the best. Of course, me being the star at heart that I am, went all out. My hands hit the ceiling fan in my sporadic jumping, I grinned like an idiot, and laughed with all my heart; that's the nice thing about family, you can be stupid and still be loved. Even better than the time I had, was watching my dad. Picture this: a six foot, heavier, tired, 40-something man with grey hair dancing around a dirty living room to the song Supercalifregilisticexpialidocious (a couple letters wrong, but my point is made). It was a sight fit for kings! No offense to my dad of course, after all, I was just as silly.
One would think that after that mild exercise, long week, and long day that I would be tired, but no. At least I have the benefit of reading my Bible without drooling on it for once (no, I've never actually drooled on my Bible, but I have come close). I have a few things to study that were given to me by my pastor as well, but that requires such heavy thought... My brain wishes to swoon at the very mention of effort!
There, now I have shown my true colors. The past week of posts, while genuine, were my academic self; not the self that wears cuddly shirts with a mug of tea. Honestly, I want with all my heart to teach, to have what I write respected, and to feel the glow of success. Don't we all? Darling English teacher, once again I quote thee "What makes the difference between good writing and great writing is depth. When you reach down into an experience and pull out the fundamental universal truths and show your humanity". This is my humanity I suppose, the realization that I am still a child at heart, but my hope for using its flamboyancy to pursue my dreams.
What to say what to say... In class, my English teacher always tells us to "Cut all the fluff from your writing! Any extra words just sound like hiccups that trip the eye, it's distracting and not a good form of writing." She would be so ashamed of me! On the general road of quotes here, my mother has been getting onto me to post about my real life, and not just prompts or tight essays, humor is difficult for me though, being the perfect child I am! As if, of course, however, this is going nowhere...
Tonight my dad came over, every Friday we have a "date", you know. The general routine is dinner, movie or TV show, then he leaves. Recently, however, I have successfully coaxed him into playing wii games with me (those games are never fun by yourself). On this lovely and cold evening, I got the privilege of gently laughing at his epic failure at golf, tease him about tennis, and help him not to throw the ball into the crowd in bowling. We give each other a hard time, and that's usually the best part.
Out of all the games we played this evening, Dance on Broadway (or some similar name, I have no intention of getting up to find out, it's 50-something in this house) was the best. Of course, me being the star at heart that I am, went all out. My hands hit the ceiling fan in my sporadic jumping, I grinned like an idiot, and laughed with all my heart; that's the nice thing about family, you can be stupid and still be loved. Even better than the time I had, was watching my dad. Picture this: a six foot, heavier, tired, 40-something man with grey hair dancing around a dirty living room to the song Supercalifregilisticexpialidocious (a couple letters wrong, but my point is made). It was a sight fit for kings! No offense to my dad of course, after all, I was just as silly.
One would think that after that mild exercise, long week, and long day that I would be tired, but no. At least I have the benefit of reading my Bible without drooling on it for once (no, I've never actually drooled on my Bible, but I have come close). I have a few things to study that were given to me by my pastor as well, but that requires such heavy thought... My brain wishes to swoon at the very mention of effort!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Breathe...
Today was kind of... Good and bad I suppose. I had a friend over, really fun. We played tennis and talked and she looked through a few of my voice books. It was so hot out though that after playing tennis I think I almost died haha. Jenny started voice lessons today, so she was asking me what to expect and such.
I'm sorry this is so scattered... Dead tired and rather stressed tonight.... Last night I slept horribly, my Mom had me shut my window so she could turn on the AC, but its broken so my room stayed 85 all night long. Didn't get to sleep until 8 this morning till around 11. Then I've hardly eaten, not because of anything substantial, I'm just so hot lol. Hopefully my headache will be gone soon.
I've been trying to exercise more the past few days too, I can see abs in my future! Exercising is fun, but it wears me out... Maybe as I get used to it things will get easier.
Was thinking about vlogging, but the other night I tried to use my camera and noticed it doesn't have a microphone and I've lost the cord... So much for that idea! Oh well, when I find the cord I might start posting pictures though.
Tomorrow is Wednesday (this is me imitating Rebecca Black, mwahahaha), so it's my happy day. Hopefully I'll get to see my sweetheart, destress, have my music lesson, maybe pick up some more applications. Youth group that evening, I hope I don't have to go alone. It kinda sucks :P. People always ask me where James is when he can't come, but I wonder some days if when I don't come anyone notices.
This fall I'm starting college, I'm so scared... Gas is expensive and the classes will be hard, I'll be all alone, blah blah blah. Can you tell I don't like doing anything by myself XD? Who will help me when I have trouble? Hopefully I'll make some new friends to hit up for assistance :P. Sadly I'm still waiting for an email from them about me having an account online to check up on... It'll be ok, just gotta breathe...
I'm sorry this is so scattered... Dead tired and rather stressed tonight.... Last night I slept horribly, my Mom had me shut my window so she could turn on the AC, but its broken so my room stayed 85 all night long. Didn't get to sleep until 8 this morning till around 11. Then I've hardly eaten, not because of anything substantial, I'm just so hot lol. Hopefully my headache will be gone soon.
I've been trying to exercise more the past few days too, I can see abs in my future! Exercising is fun, but it wears me out... Maybe as I get used to it things will get easier.
Was thinking about vlogging, but the other night I tried to use my camera and noticed it doesn't have a microphone and I've lost the cord... So much for that idea! Oh well, when I find the cord I might start posting pictures though.
Tomorrow is Wednesday (this is me imitating Rebecca Black, mwahahaha), so it's my happy day. Hopefully I'll get to see my sweetheart, destress, have my music lesson, maybe pick up some more applications. Youth group that evening, I hope I don't have to go alone. It kinda sucks :P. People always ask me where James is when he can't come, but I wonder some days if when I don't come anyone notices.
This fall I'm starting college, I'm so scared... Gas is expensive and the classes will be hard, I'll be all alone, blah blah blah. Can you tell I don't like doing anything by myself XD? Who will help me when I have trouble? Hopefully I'll make some new friends to hit up for assistance :P. Sadly I'm still waiting for an email from them about me having an account online to check up on... It'll be ok, just gotta breathe...
Friday, May 6, 2011
New Car, RIGHT NOW
Well, that didn't turn out like I'd hoped... My job working for my Uncle that is. They decided after like three days that my services would not be needed at this time. Not that I'd done anything wrong, just some family stuff. Still, its rather depressing, I really liked what I did! So now back to the drawing board.
So far I've applied at three places, Maurice's, Baskin Robin's, and Staples. Haven't heard back about any of them yet, but we'll see. Thing is, I'm picky! I don't want to work at a grocery store, or in fast food, I would be a waitress, but my Momma told meh not to go for that... I've thought about being a maid at a hotel in town, but I keep getting told not to because it's to nasty. Personally, I think I could handle it XD. One of my Madre's friends told me to ask about being a hostess at a restaurant, and I think that might be fun! Maybe I'll apply at a couple nicer places in town soon.
The world is falling to bits! At least my truck is... Shall we go down the list?
1: Door panel fell off, now held on with lime green duct tape.
2: Crappy gas mileage, 12 miles to the gallon.
3: Cracked windshield that needs to be replaced.
4: Broken tail light.
5: Tires deflate themselves constantly...
6: Funky accelerator!
7: Both front doors have to be slammed with a vengeance, otherwise they won't shut (very good workout, and its fun to get those worried stares from innocent bystanders :D)
8: The air conditioning doesn't work.
9: You have to hold the steering wheel crooked (tilted about 2-3 inches to the left) in order for it to drive straight...
10: Its 17!
If i didn't have so many memories (quite a few of which are fond) in this truck, I would totally despise it. However, I grew up in it, and its seats are comfy (if not leaning slightly to the left...). But, regardless of my newly budding sentimentality, I must consider buying a new car!
There are three (another three, why so many threes..?) cars that I'm currently looking at. The one that I most like is only 5 years old, its a Ford Focus with 89,000 miles. Lucky number two is a... seven year old? Ford Taurus, 145,000 miles. Oh, and its blue! Pathetic number three is 10 years old, also a Ford Taurus, and has 151,000 miles, plus a dent in the rear passenger door... It looks exactly like my Dad's though (which I love to drive) so I am very attracted to it. Not to mention its only $3,200 ^.^ And at this point I can't judge, pretty much any car I get will be an improvement, even another piece of junk.
As of next Friday I should have $350 saved up, and I'm hoping to convince my Mom to pay for half and then I'll make payments to her until the day I die! Doesn't that sound like a great plan?? No, while it may feel like forever, I must remember it's only until another hunk of metal on wheels is paid for. Then I get to start saving for something new! Woo...
So, my Madre also thinks I'm hypoglycemic! This be because I eat constantly and have sudden mood swings where if I don't eat RIGHT NOW I turn into a bitch. If I was... Well I don't know. It'd be a cool problem to say I have like "Hey, I'm 16, legally blind, and hypoglycemic!" Other than that though I don't really care lol. Either way my sun still shines...
So far I've applied at three places, Maurice's, Baskin Robin's, and Staples. Haven't heard back about any of them yet, but we'll see. Thing is, I'm picky! I don't want to work at a grocery store, or in fast food, I would be a waitress, but my Momma told meh not to go for that... I've thought about being a maid at a hotel in town, but I keep getting told not to because it's to nasty. Personally, I think I could handle it XD. One of my Madre's friends told me to ask about being a hostess at a restaurant, and I think that might be fun! Maybe I'll apply at a couple nicer places in town soon.
The world is falling to bits! At least my truck is... Shall we go down the list?
1: Door panel fell off, now held on with lime green duct tape.
2: Crappy gas mileage, 12 miles to the gallon.
3: Cracked windshield that needs to be replaced.
4: Broken tail light.
5: Tires deflate themselves constantly...
6: Funky accelerator!
7: Both front doors have to be slammed with a vengeance, otherwise they won't shut (very good workout, and its fun to get those worried stares from innocent bystanders :D)
8: The air conditioning doesn't work.
9: You have to hold the steering wheel crooked (tilted about 2-3 inches to the left) in order for it to drive straight...
10: Its 17!
If i didn't have so many memories (quite a few of which are fond) in this truck, I would totally despise it. However, I grew up in it, and its seats are comfy (if not leaning slightly to the left...). But, regardless of my newly budding sentimentality, I must consider buying a new car!
There are three (another three, why so many threes..?) cars that I'm currently looking at. The one that I most like is only 5 years old, its a Ford Focus with 89,000 miles. Lucky number two is a... seven year old? Ford Taurus, 145,000 miles. Oh, and its blue! Pathetic number three is 10 years old, also a Ford Taurus, and has 151,000 miles, plus a dent in the rear passenger door... It looks exactly like my Dad's though (which I love to drive) so I am very attracted to it. Not to mention its only $3,200 ^.^ And at this point I can't judge, pretty much any car I get will be an improvement, even another piece of junk.
As of next Friday I should have $350 saved up, and I'm hoping to convince my Mom to pay for half and then I'll make payments to her until the day I die! Doesn't that sound like a great plan?? No, while it may feel like forever, I must remember it's only until another hunk of metal on wheels is paid for. Then I get to start saving for something new! Woo...
So, my Madre also thinks I'm hypoglycemic! This be because I eat constantly and have sudden mood swings where if I don't eat RIGHT NOW I turn into a bitch. If I was... Well I don't know. It'd be a cool problem to say I have like "Hey, I'm 16, legally blind, and hypoglycemic!" Other than that though I don't really care lol. Either way my sun still shines...
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sonic and Peacefulness!
Duuuude... Gas is way to expensive right now! It costs me like $60 to fill up my truck. Oh well... Soon I shall have a very well paying job for my age, and maybe begin to actually save for a decent transportation device rather that the ancient monster parked out front.
My Uncle has a computer business, has had for several years, 12 now perhaps? The unfortunate thing it though, he doesn't like paperwork. It's tragic, is it not? So he needs someone to file his bills, enter transactions into a computer, joyous stuff of that kin. Who do you think will get this marvelous position? Why my of course! That's because I'm special ^.^ (A while back my sweetheart's dad called me Special K, but that's beside the point...)
At any rate, I'm really excited about this, tonight he's gonna show me the first stuff I need to do. It should be grand, I mean, what could possibly be better than sitting on my posterior all day cleaning up other people's messes? Sarcasm aside, I really am looking forward to it. It's a well paying job with no heavy lifting, I think that's pretty exciting! It'll be a morning thing, so I can still see my friends after they get out of school, have time to do my chores, do my own homework, and of course manage to hit happy hour at Sonic (who doesn't love strawberry limeades?). It's great when things work out :)
Other portions of my life have been working out well also, for example: I finally got up the guts to talk to my youth leader about being more active in the community! I've been wanting to do that for a long time, but a couple weeks back I attended the Love in Motion Tour and it sort of inspired me. Of course these things wear away after a time, as its already starting to do, but hopefully I can keep going with finding opportunities to help people.
The strangest thing to me though, is how the little actions are the hardest to do. Maybe because I know I wont be thanked, or nobody will care if I do them or not, or I don't like the person whom I'm helping, I'm not sure. No matter what though, I believe I must continue. As I attempt to improve myself, the world around me just functions better! Or at least it seems that way. Ah, it's just so peaceful...
My Uncle has a computer business, has had for several years, 12 now perhaps? The unfortunate thing it though, he doesn't like paperwork. It's tragic, is it not? So he needs someone to file his bills, enter transactions into a computer, joyous stuff of that kin. Who do you think will get this marvelous position? Why my of course! That's because I'm special ^.^ (A while back my sweetheart's dad called me Special K, but that's beside the point...)
At any rate, I'm really excited about this, tonight he's gonna show me the first stuff I need to do. It should be grand, I mean, what could possibly be better than sitting on my posterior all day cleaning up other people's messes? Sarcasm aside, I really am looking forward to it. It's a well paying job with no heavy lifting, I think that's pretty exciting! It'll be a morning thing, so I can still see my friends after they get out of school, have time to do my chores, do my own homework, and of course manage to hit happy hour at Sonic (who doesn't love strawberry limeades?). It's great when things work out :)
Other portions of my life have been working out well also, for example: I finally got up the guts to talk to my youth leader about being more active in the community! I've been wanting to do that for a long time, but a couple weeks back I attended the Love in Motion Tour and it sort of inspired me. Of course these things wear away after a time, as its already starting to do, but hopefully I can keep going with finding opportunities to help people.
The strangest thing to me though, is how the little actions are the hardest to do. Maybe because I know I wont be thanked, or nobody will care if I do them or not, or I don't like the person whom I'm helping, I'm not sure. No matter what though, I believe I must continue. As I attempt to improve myself, the world around me just functions better! Or at least it seems that way. Ah, it's just so peaceful...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I Won! And I Lost!
I feel such joy right now... At long, long last (or so it seems) I WON! I took my boyfriend out to eat yesterday and payed. Yes, it may seem like a small feet, but to me, it is the movement of a mountain. Alright, so perhaps not so drastic, but it was pretty nice. Granted, I forced the poor guy to eat cheap, but hey, it could've been worse. The door has been opened! Said dinner was all the more unromantic by the fact I kept laughing and snorting hamburger bun out of my nose... I may be the only person on earth with such a sad affliction. Although it was embarrassing, it was fun. We got to fill the lady-who-was-sitting-next-to-us's life with such joy by our immature antics.
These were such beautiful things as stories about drugs, BBQ sauce (please don't ask...), and paranoia! Plus falling over laughing, snorting food... And trying to figure out why the salt shaker is female and the pepper is a guy. Personally I think it should be the other way around. Honestly, what self respecting woman with no curves at all will wear a solid white dress? This aside, it was fun. Ever so fun...
What do I do now? I sit, be lazy, clean, meditate, blah. I have math to do. I have science to do. I have reading to do. Somehow none of that seems appealing though, so what do I do? Procrastinate! The ultimate reliever and final causer of pain! About that math... The math I speak of (type of) is dividing square roots. Now until I came to this in my education I was doing really well. For the past Month or so I'd been getting solid A's, but now... Alas! Those days are gone. Somebody help me! My cries, however, must go unanswered for a time. This time is the time when James isn't busy anymore. Now my life must go on.
These were such beautiful things as stories about drugs, BBQ sauce (please don't ask...), and paranoia! Plus falling over laughing, snorting food... And trying to figure out why the salt shaker is female and the pepper is a guy. Personally I think it should be the other way around. Honestly, what self respecting woman with no curves at all will wear a solid white dress? This aside, it was fun. Ever so fun...
What do I do now? I sit, be lazy, clean, meditate, blah. I have math to do. I have science to do. I have reading to do. Somehow none of that seems appealing though, so what do I do? Procrastinate! The ultimate reliever and final causer of pain! About that math... The math I speak of (type of) is dividing square roots. Now until I came to this in my education I was doing really well. For the past Month or so I'd been getting solid A's, but now... Alas! Those days are gone. Somebody help me! My cries, however, must go unanswered for a time. This time is the time when James isn't busy anymore. Now my life must go on.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I Have a Friend...
I like tea. Let me rephrase, I love tea. Nope, one more time now: tea is my best friend! Hot anyway... See, I have a sore throat, ouchy! Tea makes me feel good and fuzzy at the best of times, so what could be better when I'm hurting? I'm not even sure why my throat hurts, its not like I'm sick. Actually, I feel bloody amazing right now! It's difficult to explain.
Recently I've had some things going on in my life that have thrown me into no small amount of chaos. Slowly, (at least it feels slowly, I might actually be making great progress...) I have been making a few adjustments. Of late dread has been looming and overpowering me and uncertainty tearing my sanity to shreds. I've heard though that it takes the brain three days to learn to cope, and that seems to be pretty darned accurate. So now I'm happy! Life is full of suffering, despair, unfairness, negative intentions, etc, but here I stand. Lovely, is it not? :)
Oh! And I'm nearly done with my journal. That sucker has 250 pages, I've never finished a journal before, and I'm about to do it... This makes me smile, I love that feeling of accomplishment. It'll even be done in under a year :D Hopefully soon I'll also finish a few books, be able to get back to Dracula (mvahahahaha, I vant thy blooood), and actually grasp my math... screw math. I'll settle for the rest!
Recently I've had some things going on in my life that have thrown me into no small amount of chaos. Slowly, (at least it feels slowly, I might actually be making great progress...) I have been making a few adjustments. Of late dread has been looming and overpowering me and uncertainty tearing my sanity to shreds. I've heard though that it takes the brain three days to learn to cope, and that seems to be pretty darned accurate. So now I'm happy! Life is full of suffering, despair, unfairness, negative intentions, etc, but here I stand. Lovely, is it not? :)
Oh! And I'm nearly done with my journal. That sucker has 250 pages, I've never finished a journal before, and I'm about to do it... This makes me smile, I love that feeling of accomplishment. It'll even be done in under a year :D Hopefully soon I'll also finish a few books, be able to get back to Dracula (mvahahahaha, I vant thy blooood), and actually grasp my math... screw math. I'll settle for the rest!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Fainting
Yesterday I learned to play Halo! Sorta...
I should say that my guy gave me a controller thing, told me what the different buttons did, painstakingly taught me, while his friend Lee hacked me to bits XD I've only ever held a controller like four times now, so all things considered I did really well. Life remained for like thirty seconds at a time! It's just so difficult, you have to walk and turn at the same time! At least a couple times I got to run threateningly at people waving a sword before being shot to death :) Maybe now however I'll stick to something like Harvest Moon, I can handle that. Amazing, I can manage being a farmer so well :P
Lets see... Being totally nauseated! Not surprisingly gory video games bother me, its just all that fake blood.. My poor mind can't handle it! While Lee played some dreadful demo of a game I had to turn away, cuddle with his dog (a mini schnauzer called.. something I can't spell :P), and watch meh guy. It's so soothing watching him laugh and sarcastically talk about all the fluffy, cute bunnies hopping around that I'm missing! No, really, it actually does help :P Could be worse though! I might have fainted.
The other day (yesterday) I tried my hand at oil painting for the first real time! I have tried before, but it doesn't count. Mainly because it was so long ago that I don't know what it looked like, and it sucked, and blah blah blah... This one didn't turn out half bad though, perhaps on Saturday I'll get another chance to paint. I love to paint, and draw, and sing, and and and there are way to many things I love.
It seems so strange to me how it's easy to focus on the bad things that happen at the time yet later realize how there are so many good things I get to enjoy. Like yesterday on the way to my music lesson I got stressed about little things, like ice. I also missed the entrance twice, but all this just went to my head. Out of frustration I even screamed, but once I finally got there I discovered my teacher was running late anyway. Everything was fine, but yet I still panicked.. Breathe in. Breathe out. It's always fine, but so hard to see.
I should say that my guy gave me a controller thing, told me what the different buttons did, painstakingly taught me, while his friend Lee hacked me to bits XD I've only ever held a controller like four times now, so all things considered I did really well. Life remained for like thirty seconds at a time! It's just so difficult, you have to walk and turn at the same time! At least a couple times I got to run threateningly at people waving a sword before being shot to death :) Maybe now however I'll stick to something like Harvest Moon, I can handle that. Amazing, I can manage being a farmer so well :P
Lets see... Being totally nauseated! Not surprisingly gory video games bother me, its just all that fake blood.. My poor mind can't handle it! While Lee played some dreadful demo of a game I had to turn away, cuddle with his dog (a mini schnauzer called.. something I can't spell :P), and watch meh guy. It's so soothing watching him laugh and sarcastically talk about all the fluffy, cute bunnies hopping around that I'm missing! No, really, it actually does help :P Could be worse though! I might have fainted.
The other day (yesterday) I tried my hand at oil painting for the first real time! I have tried before, but it doesn't count. Mainly because it was so long ago that I don't know what it looked like, and it sucked, and blah blah blah... This one didn't turn out half bad though, perhaps on Saturday I'll get another chance to paint. I love to paint, and draw, and sing, and and and there are way to many things I love.
It seems so strange to me how it's easy to focus on the bad things that happen at the time yet later realize how there are so many good things I get to enjoy. Like yesterday on the way to my music lesson I got stressed about little things, like ice. I also missed the entrance twice, but all this just went to my head. Out of frustration I even screamed, but once I finally got there I discovered my teacher was running late anyway. Everything was fine, but yet I still panicked.. Breathe in. Breathe out. It's always fine, but so hard to see.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Selfless
Yo. Sup. How's meh homedogs dooin?
Sooo, as you can still tell, being cool is a distant (and thankfully nonexistent) dream. Being lame is more fun anyways, you can get away with doing stupid stuff and have more fun :D For instance... You can dress up in war paint and act like an epic druggie! You can make fake spears and pretend to kill your friends (its ok, they all know where they're going should they die anyway)! You can dress up like a hippy! And cuddle with stuffed animals :) May God preserve my humble soul from such a tragic fate of popularity.
Now I must find a subject of which to speak...
It seems so sad to me, how in the event of something potentially interesting it can so quickly turn to bitterness. For instance, I have a job! In my average description of my job (barista/turning cans so they face the right way) normally the following words are employed: sucks, hate, shit, frustrating, boring, etc. In that however I totally miss the point! My work, no matter how tedious and unpleasant it may be, is necessary. Through my own tiny way, I, Nicole, can make the world a better place. You might not know it, but every time you take a box off the shelf at walmart, there is a faithful young man or woman making your life easier in a small way. By pulling forward another box and fixing the mess you just made. How selfless and noble a task! I am one fortunate young lady XD
Sooo, as you can still tell, being cool is a distant (and thankfully nonexistent) dream. Being lame is more fun anyways, you can get away with doing stupid stuff and have more fun :D For instance... You can dress up in war paint and act like an epic druggie! You can make fake spears and pretend to kill your friends (its ok, they all know where they're going should they die anyway)! You can dress up like a hippy! And cuddle with stuffed animals :) May God preserve my humble soul from such a tragic fate of popularity.
Now I must find a subject of which to speak...
It seems so sad to me, how in the event of something potentially interesting it can so quickly turn to bitterness. For instance, I have a job! In my average description of my job (barista/turning cans so they face the right way) normally the following words are employed: sucks, hate, shit, frustrating, boring, etc. In that however I totally miss the point! My work, no matter how tedious and unpleasant it may be, is necessary. Through my own tiny way, I, Nicole, can make the world a better place. You might not know it, but every time you take a box off the shelf at walmart, there is a faithful young man or woman making your life easier in a small way. By pulling forward another box and fixing the mess you just made. How selfless and noble a task! I am one fortunate young lady XD
Monday, June 14, 2010
Somethings are Hard, Some Funny, Some Without Names
So long... So hard... So many changes... A lot can happen in, oh, how long has it been now? Nearly four months. Thats a long time, although I haven't really been without writing (I do have a diary, my saving grace haha) I still have that slightly gnawing feeling of disconnection. What has happened to me...? Shall I give you a list? I must warn you before you continue, this might be kind of long :D
I went on my first real vacation
I went back to just being friends with my boyfriend
I broke the law
I got a dog
I got a new boyfriend
I started going to church
I have gone from having total confusion towards life, to knowing who I was and what I wanted, and now back again
I got my first kiss
I started a real diary
I built myself a dresser (idk how important that is, but I just had to share considering how funny of a story that will be :P )
So lots of stuff... So much fun to write about! And where to start? You tell me! Feel free to leave a comment requesting what you like I should tell about first :) Some was and is hard, some was and is funny, and some of it is... Well... Not easy to describe lol
I went on my first real vacation
I went back to just being friends with my boyfriend
I broke the law
I got a dog
I got a new boyfriend
I started going to church
I have gone from having total confusion towards life, to knowing who I was and what I wanted, and now back again
I got my first kiss
I started a real diary
I built myself a dresser (idk how important that is, but I just had to share considering how funny of a story that will be :P )
So lots of stuff... So much fun to write about! And where to start? You tell me! Feel free to leave a comment requesting what you like I should tell about first :) Some was and is hard, some was and is funny, and some of it is... Well... Not easy to describe lol
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I Got to be Dead for a Day!
I feel that I have a rather important matter to discuss this fine evening with you all. My first and fortunately only (so far, we, and by we I mean I hope that this continues to be the case for a very, very long time) time inside a body bag. No I wasn't thought to be dead, no, I didn't ask to be put in the bag, and also no, I wasn't even seriously hurt. "Why" you may ask, "Why were you put into a body bag still breathing?!?!" and I really don't fully know the reason myself. This has to do with my wrist injury on the mountain in CO. Evidently it was easier to take me down the mountain by sled than by a snowmobile. I must say I don't mind that much though, all my discomfort of being drug one mile on a sled, wrapped in a blanket, wrapped in a tarp to keep the blanket dry, and strapped down to keep from moving, was well worth it. It wasn't an actual body bag as you can see, but the tarp over my whole body with just a little hole to let air in made it just look like a neon orange body bag. It was nice to see what will happen to my dead body one day. No, that's not really the reason why (although, it was kinda cool! Like being dead and alive at the same time, hehe). Let me make this one point clear first though, at the time it wasn't very fun at all, I have to say there was no joy in the experience at the time. But, looking back, it was really funny to see the faces of Alex and his Mom! Their faces were all like "Oh My GOD!!! She's DEAD!!!" and then I say "I sprained my wrist." It was almost worth the pain! Not really, but it was pretty funny :) I even have pictures!
It isn't all joy though. Now, whenever I type, play piano, or do anything finicky for any length of time I have to pop my wrist back. I hope it stops soon...but, there are other things that I wish could have lasted forever.
As I look back at my life, I find it's a lot like trying to remember all the different bits of a vaguely interesting movie. I don't remember things from inside my body; I remember things like I'm watching somebody else. So all the sunsets, the beautiful flowers, my time spent in thought, I see it all from somebody else's point of view. This can come in handy, because when I want to see something again, it's just like hitting the rewind button! I like to remember going hiking. Mostly at a lodge just outside of town. I remember seeing my best friend for the first time in about a year. I see the leaves. It was summer. He talked about soccer, and I remember thinking to myself "This is so easy, it's almost like nothing ever happened!" I believe that there are some times in our lives that, no matter how long ago they were, you should still say thank you for, every day.
I think I shall leave you now, on that positive note :)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Hello Again World!
I am back! I am soo back, and glad about it too!
Now, I know its been more than "just a week", but I promise that I have several good excuses. First, I got my permit! I am now a legal driver as long as I have somebody else in the car with me. The test was harder than I thought it would be, I had to guess on the last two (don't say I should have studied more, because I know that, but I still passed so its ok) and got one wrong and one right. I barely passed. So non of you should drive for the next few months because I suck!
Second, my third time driving I crashed the car. Now don't freak out to bad, I only did about $250 in damage (had to replace one wheel, a tire, and we bought another tire because we didn't have a spare) plus I managed to miss the transmission by about six inches.
Third, I got a tattoo! This isn't freak worthy either really because it's on my shoulder, only about two inches long, and in white ink. It hurt. Actually, when I say "It hurt" what I mean is I didn't cry, but I was holding my Wonderful Mom's hand so hard that she nearly did (no, not really, but she did say it hurt more than getting her tattoo did).
Forth, I went to CO for the weekend. Left Thursday morning at six, got to Aunt Mary's house at 5:30, and spent the next two days snowboarding, horseback riding, and generally having a great time (I've never seen mountains, so it was really awesome in that respect as well).
Fifth, this is the BIG ONE (well, not really, but it's why I didn't say anything when I got back on Sunday evening). I was snowboarding as I said. At eleven thousand feet the air is thin. It gets really easy to get tired and irritated. When you are especially bad at snowboarding (like me) you fall a lot. I was trying to learn how to stop my board, I had just figured out how to, actually. I had gone down about one mile of the two mile long trail, had just stopped almost perfectly, I was tired, it was steep where I was at, I freaked out, and (obviously) I fell. Now, I had fallen a lot that day, more times than I could count, but, as things go, as soon as I'm getting better at it, I fall on my wrist. I thought I sprained it. Came home today and I bent it, heard a "POP!" and it felt better, so I think I just had one of those little bones out of place.
So, are these good reasons not to say much? I will be telling, in detail (as ever *smile*) about all of these little incidences. Hello again world! Its been to long...
Now, I know its been more than "just a week", but I promise that I have several good excuses. First, I got my permit! I am now a legal driver as long as I have somebody else in the car with me. The test was harder than I thought it would be, I had to guess on the last two (don't say I should have studied more, because I know that, but I still passed so its ok) and got one wrong and one right. I barely passed. So non of you should drive for the next few months because I suck!
Second, my third time driving I crashed the car. Now don't freak out to bad, I only did about $250 in damage (had to replace one wheel, a tire, and we bought another tire because we didn't have a spare) plus I managed to miss the transmission by about six inches.
Third, I got a tattoo! This isn't freak worthy either really because it's on my shoulder, only about two inches long, and in white ink. It hurt. Actually, when I say "It hurt" what I mean is I didn't cry, but I was holding my Wonderful Mom's hand so hard that she nearly did (no, not really, but she did say it hurt more than getting her tattoo did).
Forth, I went to CO for the weekend. Left Thursday morning at six, got to Aunt Mary's house at 5:30, and spent the next two days snowboarding, horseback riding, and generally having a great time (I've never seen mountains, so it was really awesome in that respect as well).
Fifth, this is the BIG ONE (well, not really, but it's why I didn't say anything when I got back on Sunday evening). I was snowboarding as I said. At eleven thousand feet the air is thin. It gets really easy to get tired and irritated. When you are especially bad at snowboarding (like me) you fall a lot. I was trying to learn how to stop my board, I had just figured out how to, actually. I had gone down about one mile of the two mile long trail, had just stopped almost perfectly, I was tired, it was steep where I was at, I freaked out, and (obviously) I fell. Now, I had fallen a lot that day, more times than I could count, but, as things go, as soon as I'm getting better at it, I fall on my wrist. I thought I sprained it. Came home today and I bent it, heard a "POP!" and it felt better, so I think I just had one of those little bones out of place.
So, are these good reasons not to say much? I will be telling, in detail (as ever *smile*) about all of these little incidences. Hello again world! Its been to long...
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Just a Week
As some of you may have noticed, I have not been writing ever day. My writing has also not been nearly as funny as it was when I first started. I think I am going to take one week, and try to get back into my more humorous perceptions on life. I have had a little bit more stress in my life recently so not everything is as funny as it once was. Talk to you all next Tuesday!
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