I Won! And I Lost!

I feel such joy right now... At long, long last (or so it seems) I WON! I took my boyfriend out to eat yesterday and payed. Yes, it may seem like a small feet, but to me, it is the movement of a mountain. Alright, so perhaps not so drastic, but it was pretty nice. Granted, I forced the poor guy to eat cheap, but hey, it could've been worse. The door has been opened! Said dinner was all the more unromantic by the fact I kept laughing and snorting hamburger bun out of my nose... I may be the only person on earth with such a sad affliction. Although it was embarrassing, it was fun. We got to fill the lady-who-was-sitting-next-to-us's life with such joy by our immature antics.
These were such beautiful things as stories about drugs, BBQ sauce (please don't ask...), and paranoia! Plus falling over laughing, snorting food... And trying to figure out why the salt shaker is female and the pepper is a guy. Personally I think it should be the other way around. Honestly, what self respecting woman with no curves at all will wear a solid white dress? This aside, it was fun. Ever so fun...

What do I do now? I sit, be lazy, clean, meditate, blah. I have math to do. I have science to do. I have reading to do. Somehow none of that seems appealing though, so what do I do? Procrastinate! The ultimate reliever and final causer of pain! About that math... The math I speak of (type of) is dividing square roots. Now until I came to this in my education I was doing really well. For the past Month or so I'd been getting solid A's, but now... Alas! Those days are gone. Somebody help me! My cries, however, must go unanswered for a time. This time is the time when James isn't busy anymore. Now my life must go on.

I Have a Friend...

I like tea. Let me rephrase, I love tea. Nope, one more time now: tea is my best friend! Hot anyway... See, I have a sore throat, ouchy! Tea makes me feel good and fuzzy at the best of times, so what could be better when I'm hurting? I'm not even sure why my throat hurts, its not like I'm sick. Actually, I feel bloody amazing right now! It's difficult to explain.
Recently I've had some things going on in my life that have thrown me into no small amount of chaos. Slowly, (at least it feels slowly, I might actually be making great progress...) I have been making a few adjustments. Of late dread has been looming and overpowering me and uncertainty tearing my sanity to shreds. I've heard though that it takes the brain three days to learn to cope, and that seems to be pretty darned accurate. So now I'm happy! Life is full of suffering, despair, unfairness, negative intentions, etc, but here I stand. Lovely, is it not? :)
Oh! And I'm nearly done with my journal. That sucker has 250 pages, I've never finished a journal before, and I'm about to do it... This makes me smile, I love that feeling of accomplishment. It'll even be done in under a year :D Hopefully soon I'll also finish a few books, be able to get back to Dracula (mvahahahaha, I vant thy blooood), and actually grasp my math... screw math. I'll settle for the rest!

Fainting

Yesterday I learned to play Halo! Sorta...
I should say that my guy gave me a controller thing, told me what the different buttons did, painstakingly taught me, while his friend Lee hacked me to bits XD I've only ever held a controller like four times now, so all things considered I did really well. Life remained for like thirty seconds at a time! It's just so difficult, you have to walk and turn at the same time! At least a couple times I got to run threateningly at people waving a sword before being shot to death :) Maybe now however I'll stick to something like Harvest Moon, I can handle that. Amazing, I can manage being a farmer so well :P

Lets see... Being totally nauseated! Not surprisingly gory video games bother me, its just all that fake blood.. My poor mind can't handle it! While Lee played some dreadful demo of a game I had to turn away, cuddle with his dog (a mini schnauzer called.. something I can't spell :P), and watch meh guy. It's so soothing watching him laugh and sarcastically talk about all the fluffy, cute bunnies hopping around that I'm missing! No, really, it actually does help :P Could be worse though! I might have fainted.

The other day (yesterday) I tried my hand at oil painting for the first real time! I have tried before, but it doesn't count. Mainly because it was so long ago that I don't know what it looked like, and it sucked, and blah blah blah... This one didn't turn out half bad though, perhaps on Saturday I'll get another chance to paint. I love to paint, and draw, and sing, and and and there are way to many things I love.
    It seems so strange to me how it's easy to focus on the bad things that happen at the time yet later realize how there are so many good things I get to enjoy. Like yesterday on the way to my music lesson I got stressed about little things, like ice. I also missed the entrance twice, but all this just went to my head. Out of frustration I even screamed, but once I finally got there I discovered my teacher was running late anyway. Everything was fine, but yet I still panicked.. Breathe in. Breathe out. It's always fine, but so hard to see.

Selfless

Yo. Sup. How's meh homedogs dooin?
Sooo, as you can still tell, being cool is a distant (and thankfully nonexistent) dream. Being lame is more fun anyways, you can get away with doing stupid stuff and have more fun :D For instance... You can dress up in war paint and act like an epic druggie! You can make fake spears and pretend to kill your friends (its ok, they all know where they're going should they die anyway)! You can dress up like a hippy! And cuddle with stuffed animals :) May God preserve my humble soul from such a tragic fate of popularity.


Now I must find a subject of which to speak...
It seems so sad to me, how in the event of something potentially interesting it can so quickly turn to bitterness. For instance, I have a job! In my average description of my job (barista/turning cans so they face the right way) normally the following words are employed: sucks, hate, shit, frustrating, boring, etc. In that however I totally miss the point! My work, no matter how tedious and unpleasant it may be, is necessary. Through my own tiny way, I, Nicole, can make the world a better place. You might not know it, but every time you take a box off the shelf at walmart, there is a faithful young man or woman making your life easier in a small way. By pulling forward another box and fixing the mess you just made. How selfless and noble a task! I am one fortunate young lady XD

Somethings are Hard, Some Funny, Some Without Names

So long... So hard... So many changes... A lot can happen in, oh, how long has it been now? Nearly four months. Thats a long time, although I haven't really been without writing (I do have a diary, my saving grace haha) I still have that slightly gnawing feeling of disconnection. What has happened to me...? Shall I give you a list? I must warn you before you continue, this might be kind of long :D

I went on my first real vacation
I went back to just being friends with my boyfriend
I broke the law
I got a dog
I got a new boyfriend
I started going to church
I have gone from having total confusion towards life, to knowing who I was and what I wanted, and now back again
I got my first kiss
I started a real diary
I built myself a dresser (idk how important that is, but I just had to share considering how funny of a story that will be :P )

So lots of stuff... So much fun to write about! And where to start? You tell me! Feel free to leave a comment requesting what you like I should tell about first :) Some was and is hard, some was and is funny, and some of it is... Well... Not easy to describe lol

I Got to be Dead for a Day!

I feel that I have a rather important matter to discuss this fine evening with you all. My first and fortunately only (so far, we, and by we I mean I hope that this continues to be the case for a very, very long time) time inside a body bag. No I wasn't thought to be dead, no, I didn't ask to be put in the bag, and also no, I wasn't even seriously hurt. "Why" you may ask, "Why were you put into a body bag still breathing?!?!" and I really don't fully know the reason myself. This has to do with my wrist injury on the mountain in CO. Evidently it was easier to take me down the mountain by sled than by a snowmobile. I must say I don't mind that much though, all my discomfort of being drug one mile on a sled, wrapped in a blanket, wrapped in a tarp to keep the blanket dry, and strapped down to keep from moving, was well worth it. It wasn't an actual body bag as you can see, but the tarp over my whole body with just a little hole to let air in made it just look like a neon orange body bag. It was nice to see what will happen to my dead body one day. No, that's not really the reason why (although, it was kinda cool! Like being dead and alive at the same time, hehe). Let me make this one point clear first though, at the time it wasn't very fun at all, I have to say there was no joy in the experience at the time. But, looking back, it was really funny to see the faces of Alex and his Mom! Their faces were all like "Oh My GOD!!! She's DEAD!!!" and then I say "I sprained my wrist." It was almost worth the pain! Not really, but it was pretty funny :) I even have pictures!


 
It isn't all joy though. Now, whenever I type, play piano, or do anything finicky for any length of time I have to pop my wrist back. I hope it stops soon...but, there are other things that I wish could have lasted forever.


 
As I look back at my life, I find it's a lot like trying to remember all the different bits of a vaguely interesting movie. I don't remember things from inside my body; I remember things like I'm watching somebody else. So all the sunsets, the beautiful flowers, my time spent in thought, I see it all from somebody else's point of view. This can come in handy, because when I want to see something again,  it's just like hitting the rewind button! I like to remember going hiking. Mostly at a lodge just outside of town. I remember seeing my best friend for the first time in about a year. I see the leaves. It was summer. He talked about soccer, and I remember thinking to myself "This is so easy, it's almost like nothing ever happened!" I believe that there are some times in our lives that, no matter how long ago they were, you should still say thank you for, every day.

I think I shall leave you now, on that positive note :)


 

Hello Again World!

I am back! I am soo back, and glad about it too!
Now, I know its been more than "just a week", but I promise that I have several good excuses. First, I got my permit! I am now a legal driver as long as I have somebody else in the car with me. The test was harder than I thought it would be, I had to guess on the last two (don't say I should have studied more, because I know that, but I still passed so its ok) and got one wrong and one right. I barely passed. So non of you should drive for the next few months because I suck!
Second, my third time driving I crashed the car. Now don't freak out to bad, I only did about $250 in damage (had to replace one wheel, a tire, and we bought another tire because we didn't have a spare) plus I managed to miss the transmission by about six inches.
Third, I got a tattoo! This isn't freak worthy either really because it's on my shoulder, only about two inches long, and in white ink. It hurt. Actually, when I say "It hurt" what I mean is I didn't cry, but I was holding my Wonderful Mom's hand so hard that she nearly did (no, not really, but she did say it hurt more than getting her tattoo did).
Forth, I went to CO for the weekend. Left Thursday morning at six, got to Aunt Mary's house at 5:30, and spent the next two days snowboarding, horseback riding, and generally having a great time (I've never seen mountains, so it was really awesome in that respect as well).
Fifth, this is the BIG ONE (well, not really, but it's why I didn't say anything when I got back on Sunday evening). I was snowboarding as I said. At eleven thousand feet the air is thin. It gets really easy to get tired and irritated. When you are especially bad at snowboarding (like me) you fall a lot. I was trying to learn how to stop my board, I had just figured out how to, actually. I had gone down about one mile of the two mile long trail, had just stopped almost perfectly, I was tired, it was steep where I was at, I freaked out, and (obviously) I fell. Now, I had fallen a lot that day, more times than I could count, but, as things go, as soon as I'm getting better at it, I fall on my wrist. I thought I sprained it. Came home today and I bent it, heard a "POP!" and it felt better, so I think I just had one of those little bones out of place.
So, are these good reasons not to say much? I will be telling, in detail (as ever *smile*) about all of these little incidences. Hello again world! Its been to long...