Monday, June 14, 2010

Somethings are Hard, Some Funny, Some Without Names

So long... So hard... So many changes... A lot can happen in, oh, how long has it been now? Nearly four months. Thats a long time, although I haven't really been without writing (I do have a diary, my saving grace haha) I still have that slightly gnawing feeling of disconnection. What has happened to me...? Shall I give you a list? I must warn you before you continue, this might be kind of long :D

I went on my first real vacation
I went back to just being friends with my boyfriend
I broke the law
I got a dog
I got a new boyfriend
I started going to church
I have gone from having total confusion towards life, to knowing who I was and what I wanted, and now back again
I got my first kiss
I started a real diary
I built myself a dresser (idk how important that is, but I just had to share considering how funny of a story that will be :P )

So lots of stuff... So much fun to write about! And where to start? You tell me! Feel free to leave a comment requesting what you like I should tell about first :) Some was and is hard, some was and is funny, and some of it is... Well... Not easy to describe lol

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I Got to be Dead for a Day!

I feel that I have a rather important matter to discuss this fine evening with you all. My first and fortunately only (so far, we, and by we I mean I hope that this continues to be the case for a very, very long time) time inside a body bag. No I wasn't thought to be dead, no, I didn't ask to be put in the bag, and also no, I wasn't even seriously hurt. "Why" you may ask, "Why were you put into a body bag still breathing?!?!" and I really don't fully know the reason myself. This has to do with my wrist injury on the mountain in CO. Evidently it was easier to take me down the mountain by sled than by a snowmobile. I must say I don't mind that much though, all my discomfort of being drug one mile on a sled, wrapped in a blanket, wrapped in a tarp to keep the blanket dry, and strapped down to keep from moving, was well worth it. It wasn't an actual body bag as you can see, but the tarp over my whole body with just a little hole to let air in made it just look like a neon orange body bag. It was nice to see what will happen to my dead body one day. No, that's not really the reason why (although, it was kinda cool! Like being dead and alive at the same time, hehe). Let me make this one point clear first though, at the time it wasn't very fun at all, I have to say there was no joy in the experience at the time. But, looking back, it was really funny to see the faces of Alex and his Mom! Their faces were all like "Oh My GOD!!! She's DEAD!!!" and then I say "I sprained my wrist." It was almost worth the pain! Not really, but it was pretty funny :) I even have pictures!


It isn't all joy though. Now, whenever I type, play piano, or do anything finicky for any length of time I have to pop my wrist back. I hope it stops soon...but, there are other things that I wish could have lasted forever.


As I look back at my life, I find it's a lot like trying to remember all the different bits of a vaguely interesting movie. I don't remember things from inside my body; I remember things like I'm watching somebody else. So all the sunsets, the beautiful flowers, my time spent in thought, I see it all from somebody else's point of view. This can come in handy, because when I want to see something again,  it's just like hitting the rewind button! I like to remember going hiking. Mostly at a lodge just outside of town. I remember seeing my best friend for the first time in about a year. I see the leaves. It was summer. He talked about soccer, and I remember thinking to myself "This is so easy, it's almost like nothing ever happened!" I believe that there are some times in our lives that, no matter how long ago they were, you should still say thank you for, every day.

I think I shall leave you now, on that positive note :)


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Hello Again World!

I am back! I am soo back, and glad about it too!
Now, I know its been more than "just a week", but I promise that I have several good excuses. First, I got my permit! I am now a legal driver as long as I have somebody else in the car with me. The test was harder than I thought it would be, I had to guess on the last two (don't say I should have studied more, because I know that, but I still passed so its ok) and got one wrong and one right. I barely passed. So non of you should drive for the next few months because I suck!
Second, my third time driving I crashed the car. Now don't freak out to bad, I only did about $250 in damage (had to replace one wheel, a tire, and we bought another tire because we didn't have a spare) plus I managed to miss the transmission by about six inches.
Third, I got a tattoo! This isn't freak worthy either really because it's on my shoulder, only about two inches long, and in white ink. It hurt. Actually, when I say "It hurt" what I mean is I didn't cry, but I was holding my Wonderful Mom's hand so hard that she nearly did (no, not really, but she did say it hurt more than getting her tattoo did).
Forth, I went to CO for the weekend. Left Thursday morning at six, got to Aunt Mary's house at 5:30, and spent the next two days snowboarding, horseback riding, and generally having a great time (I've never seen mountains, so it was really awesome in that respect as well).
Fifth, this is the BIG ONE (well, not really, but it's why I didn't say anything when I got back on Sunday evening). I was snowboarding as I said. At eleven thousand feet the air is thin. It gets really easy to get tired and irritated. When you are especially bad at snowboarding (like me) you fall a lot. I was trying to learn how to stop my board, I had just figured out how to, actually. I had gone down about one mile of the two mile long trail, had just stopped almost perfectly, I was tired, it was steep where I was at, I freaked out, and (obviously) I fell. Now, I had fallen a lot that day, more times than I could count, but, as things go, as soon as I'm getting better at it, I fall on my wrist. I thought I sprained it. Came home today and I bent it, heard a "POP!" and it felt better, so I think I just had one of those little bones out of place.
So, are these good reasons not to say much? I will be telling, in detail (as ever *smile*) about all of these little incidences. Hello again world! Its been to long...

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Just a Week

As some of you may have noticed, I have not been writing ever day. My writing has also not been nearly as funny as it was when I first started. I think I am going to take one week, and try to get back into my more humorous perceptions on life. I have had a little bit more stress in my life recently so not everything is as funny as it once was. Talk to you all next Tuesday!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

He Does Things I Can't, and I Think I'm Getting Old

Alex and his mad skills... I remember about two years ago come this summer, we used to sit outside, right as it got dark, and he would play for me on his guitar. Some of the best moments I've had were spent in his backyard, with his dogs drooling on me, and the mosquitoes buzzing around my face, and the moths... No, I really enjoyed it, and the dogs didn't drool on me that much. He's been playing guitar for several years now, it's a kind of, release from reality I suppose. He likes to just put one his earphones and play the guitar from various songs he likes. Its kinda a cool skill, I can't just listen to a piano song and play anything even just remotely like it. So he's smart, can play by ear, and can sometimes snowboard, but hey, I can do yoga!!! Fear the flexibility (actually I'm not very flexible, but the Wii Fit Board seems to think so, and I am so not going to object.)

Last night I was kind of angry and frustrated. Well, not kind of, I was angry and frustrated and not in the mood to be messed with. I had been wanting to do some yoga all day, and so even though I was mad, and irritated, and even frustrated, I was going to do yoga! Just you try and stop me. So I get on the board, and nearly fall off in shock, its been Ninety Nine days since I was last on it, oh crap. I get to the end of the little body control test thing they have, and I am 25, instead of being my actual age! The horror... I attempt to go on as normal though. So I'm doing my yoga, and I don't remember it being this hard, as I nearly fall on my butt. There was only one pose that I made a record on *sniffle* and I don't even remember which one it was! But hey, at least I got off my butt and did something healthy for a change! My back hurt so bad after I was done though, I felt old!!!! Like my Dad when he does something like shovel snow, he hobbles around in agony the rest of the day. It still hurts, pathetic, isn't it? Find your happy place, there, being healthy is easy... I wish!
Some athletic endeavors are harder though, like that Olympic stuff. Oh my gosh, I would not even want to try some of the stuff that they do! Speed racing, ha! If I even try to just picture myself doing that I'm skidding across the ice on my rear in like five seconds. I would write more about the Olympics, but I'm afraid I haven't gotten to watch much of them this year, it makes me sad. Maybe I could go to Wal-Mart and see if they have the Olympics playing their TV's there... but that would mean being able to drive.
Me, trying to get my permit, perfectly prepared, but you just know it all goes wrong.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Important People

I’m afraid that I have neglected to discuss some of the most important people in my whole entire life. No, they really are really important. The boyfriend Alexander and his mom! Alexander is about my height, maybe a little taller, is really involved in school activities, and wants to get his pilots license so he can fly me over the ocean one day. Isn’t he sweet??? He’s been my very bestest friend for, like, ever. We had a rather violent first meeting though, I nearly killed him, by suffocation. In my defense, in was entirely and accident. I suffocated him by holding a pillow on his face, but I was little and didn't realize that I could have killed him... He was stuck in a corner though, so when the pillow was on his face he must not have been able to get it off, or yell for help for that matter. *sheepish* I felt really bad afterwards. It was o.k. in the end though, ‘cause once he regained consciousness we played basketball and generally acted like forgiving little kids. He even hugged me when he left! *Smiles* There has been a lot more to our history together than this, but I now feel that I owe some attention to Monette, his mom.

Monette is around 5’6”, has beautiful brown eyes (seriously, I’m jealous of her eyes), and loves pink. She just had a birthday and was born and raised in TX (boo TX longhorns :P can you tell I’m an OU girl?). She is one of those people who have the gift of seeing right through you, like today, I was just the tiniest bit stressed about last weekend and she knew. I tried to tell her I was just a little tired, or worried about school, but she still just knew. People like that can be scary! She also can make you laugh no matter what, you can have just had your Great Grandma die, and she will listen, be consoling, then make you laugh. She also loves to sing, right now she can’t stop humming a Lady Gaga song, it’s kind of funny watching her wander around the house going “Ra ra ah-ah-ah-ah, ra-ma ah-ah-ah-ah...” Both her and Alexander have a passion for music, Monette is always humming, and Alex loves to play his guitar. I’ll have to speak more of his mad skills later though :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

It's All Good!

I didn't go snowboarding on Saturday, the weather was really nasty. That wan't the first reason for me not to go though. My uncle Calvin and Gp picked me up on Friday afternoon around one o'clock. Gp had a Dr. appointment in Kansas City so they just picked me up on the way. Once I got up there It was really cold and snowing and raining and other crap like that, but Dad's car was warm so I didn't mind that much. We decided to hang out at the Apartment for the day, just me and him. It was really nice, we watched Burn Notice and played Farmville. He said that we could hang out tomorrow before I went snowboarding too if I wanted. I fully planned on going snowboarding, but then I realized that I might not get such a good weekend with Dad again for a long time, and I had forgotten my money *smile*. So he offered to give me the money to go, but I refused it, it was all the same in the end anyway because the weather was bad so I couldn't go anyway. All's well that ends well. It's all good.
After we hung out Saturday at the Apartment too, we went to Crystal's house, normally this would worry me, but she was already in bed and Rose was at a friends house, Mike was in bed. So it was just me and June. For a while. She was having some friends over that night, so I was kinda worried that they wouldn't like me. However, all my huge fears never manifested, they liked me, June had fun, and it was an overall great weekend! Now you may have noticed how I said that it worries me, going over to Crystal's house, this is because her and me, well, sometimes we have difficulty understanding each other. I'll say one thing, she thinks I mean this, she says one thing, and I think she means that, that sort of difficulty. This weekend though was pretty good, nobody got mad at anybody, everyone had fun, she cooked fried chicken (which I really like) and I helped. It's all good :)

The light bulb! Still having problems with it. I have changed the bulb, Mother of Mine has changed the bulb, the OTHER fixture still works just fine, but even with a new bulb and everything, the right hand bulb still flickers. And blinks. And sizzles. And is annoying. At least one of them works well (SO FAR). I might be forced to just take out the bulb altogether and make due with just one... But oh well! Life is good.
It was sunny today, thats good. I have TOTALLY revamped my Happy Place, thats good. I got help with the math I was having problems with, and that, my dears, is also, very good. :D

Friday, February 19, 2010

It's Something I just CAN'T do.

I totally changed both light bulbs, although I see now why Mommy Dearest hates doing that. Our bathroom is very small, we have a counter top the length of the bathroom with a sink in it, the toilet is shoved in right next to it, and then the bathtub next to that (don't worry, we don't actually take baths all the time, we installed a little shower head thing in the wall). Over the sink and counter top is a huge mirror, and on either side of that, on the top, are two light fixtures. These fixtures have a beautiful arching shape, like the branch of a willow tree sweeping down, and at the bottom is a glass bulb. This glass bulb fits up under the fixture and over the light bulb. It is held on with screws. Three screws. Three old, rusty, small screws. As you can probably tell, it is very difficult to get these glass bulbs off so I can put the light bulbs in. I succeeded, however, and now the bathroom is beautiful and light and clean(ish).
Which room should I conquer next, I wonder? Should I subdue the living room, or attack the dining room? I'm thinking living room, 'cause I would like to have people over some time. It's always a plus if your guests don't trip and fall and die over an unruly piece of furniture! 

Speaking of the living room, someday I would love to paint it. The thing is, me and my Lovely Mother can't decide on a color! Not that it would happen anytime soon, but it might at least happen this century if we could agree on something. I want white, with some green accents, she wants yellow. Now, I would be fine with yellow, if I knew what kind of yellow she was talking about. With her, yellow could be anywhere from gold to sunshiny to a weird burnt color or anywhere in between! (Can you tell she's an artist? She has such strange taste how could she not be? For example, our kitchen would sound really horrible if I tried to write about it, but it works! She amazes me every time.) We would like to put a nice floor down one day too, at least we can agree on that though. Wood, or at least nice looking fake wood. I don't know how much help I would be putting it down though, it might turn out to be like one of those things I just can't do. 

Tomorrow I'm going snowboarding, I've gone before, but I'll tell tomorrow if it turns out to be one of my bad days, where it is something it seems like I also, just can't do.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Self-Satisfied. With cleaning?

I am good at music, especially singing, and not to brag or anything, but I can make people cry. I could be a lot better though. I've been playing piano for several years and I still can't play all that well. It would probably help if I practiced. This is my resolution! I will practice more than for just ten minutes right before my music lessons, 'cause I do really want to be good. You know how irritating it is to go and see my music teacher not having made any progress? I want to be as good at piano as I am at singing. I may not be wonderful at piano though, but at least I can be helpful when I have a mind to be.

My Mother thinks I keep the house from falling down. No, she actually did say that to me last night! She didn't mean that I literally hold it up or something though, she meant that since she cleans even less than I do the entire house would be in such chaos without me that it might as well have fallen down. She flatters me :) It took hours, and I mean hours to clean the kitchen like I did, I got on my hands and knees at one point trying to get a patch of dirt off the floor. It was worth it though, 'cause whenever I get in my mode of doing stuff like that I get a softly glowing sense of satisfaction from cleaning, deep cleaning anyway. Plus I wasn't doing schoolwork at the time, so that instantly makes my day better :)
Today when I get home I'm going to clean the bathroom and change both the light bulbs (love you, Mother of Mine *smile*)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Not Being Dead and Flying Objects

Well, good news! I'm not going to die of the cut on my finger! My marvelous Mother looked at it, and said to me "Poke it, if it feels like you're being cut when you do, you still have glass inside it." How obvious is that? Why didn't I know to do that??? I don't think I will be causing myself much more damage in the kitchen though. Today I spent hours cleaning and scrubbing and polishing and generally me proofing (not as easy as it sounds). Now there is absolutely no way on earth for me to hurt myself in there *smiles proudly*. It's a lot easier to hurt myself outside though.

I'm really clumsy, as my friend Byron will tell you. I'm also really scared of insects, as he can also tell you. So you can either look at me running across a tennis field, screaming wildly in terror, while a bee chases me, with a tennis racket in my hand, and accidently hitting myself on the head with it as either absolutely hilarious, or totally pathetic. I hope, to the very depth of my soul (which probably isn't very deep 'cause I'm a rather shallow person, but hey, whatever!) that it's absolutely hilarious. At least it's not as bad as what I had done earlier that day.
This was one of the first times I had ever played tennis, and I only really wanted to learn to play so that I could say that I was good at one sport, or at least not terrible... I had some really bad habits though. You probably know how when you play tennis, you are supposed to use the racket as a sort of extension of your arm, while I knew this little factoid, I wasn't very good at utilizing it. Whenever I attempted to swing my racket, I would freak out (seeing tennis balls, or any kind of ball, flying at my head scares me) and in an effort to protect myself from this flying projectile, would hold up my elbow against my waist, and swing. I missed. Every time. I wonder why?
Then, in an entirely futile effort to correct this bad habit I was developing, Byron instructed me to use my whole arm. So the next time that ball came at me, I lept through the air toward it, landed on one foot (on my toes, no less) actually remained upright (God knows how!) flung back my left arm, and held my right arm forward. In my defense, the ball did hit the racket, it just bounced off. Also in my defense, I would have looked stunning on an ice-skating rink. Unfortunately, I wasn't on an ice-skating rink, and I didn't manage to hit the ball, it just bounced of the racket and rolled off somewhere. But, I like to think that over the course of last summer I improved, at least a little bit, maybe not...

There are some things though that I am good at! It would help if I practiced more though...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Axes and Bruises

I've never gotten to actually use an ax, just carry one. I have gotten to use a hatchet though :) Several years ago, around three, I think, my Dad had to chop a lot of wood. He would go out and find people selling huge pieces of uncut wood and buy it cheap, then haul it out to my Gp's house, then cut it. He didn't enjoy it (he's a little on the pudgy side :P). When I came out to help him though he seemed to get in a better mood. So I'd be out in my Gp's front yard, just carrying these big boxes full of wood, and then dumping them in the back of my Dad's car (he still has a crap load of wood chips and dust in his trunk). My favorite part, however, was using the hatchet. It was the perfect size for me and made me feel dangerous just holding it. It was like "Look at me twice, I dare you, I'm a twelve year old with attitude and a hatchet! Ha ha ha!" So empowering! I never even cut myself :)

Thats doing better than I did today. 
All I wanted was some pizza. Some stupid pizza! In fact, I got the pizza, just not without a fight. It was one of those Lean Cuisine pizzas, in the little boxes that you stick in the microwave. I put my pizza in, walked out of the room for three minutes, came back, pulled my pizza out, tried to shut the microwave door...SMASH! While trying to shut the door, I slid the pizza sideways along the counter-top, where it met a glass. Evidently, it didn't like the glass, because it pushed the glass onto the floor where it shattered into a million pieces. Said glass was filled about an inch high with coke. When the glass shattered into all those pieces around my poor, bare feet, I got coke all over the floor at the same time. After carefully not moving my feet, trying not to drop my pizza, and trying (and failing) to pick up all the larger segments of glass, I made my way across the floor to get some paper towels. Me, in my infinite wisdom, thought it would be a good idea to take the paper towels and run them across the floor in order to simultaneously pick up the glass and wipe up all that coke. Unfortunately, I forgot that paper towels are thin, and by nature, easily ripped, especially by small, sharp objects, such as glass. 
I got up several good sized handfuls of glass and coke before I hurt myself, which surprises me, upon reflection. It wasn't a bad cut, as such, it was deep, but not very wide and stopped bleeding after about ten minutes. The scary thing is though, I don't know if there is any glass left inside my finger. I think there is, but I can't tell for sure. This is because, my finger is kind of purplish where the cut is, but that could be either glass, or bruising. Luckily, I will only have to wait about an hour and then Mother of Mine will be able to use her totally mad skills *cough* to see if there is anything left inside.

I'll let ya'll know tomorrow if I'm going to die from the glass or anything, and maybe discuss the pleasures of tennis as well...

Monday, February 15, 2010

Religion, Death, and Bloody Annoying Light Bulbs

I'm a Christian. I believe in Jesus. I believe that He died on the cross for my sins. I believe that being a good person brings good things back to you, so I suppose you could say that I believe in karma. There are lots of things that I know to be true, they may not be written down anywhere, but its kinda like how a dog just knows that his/her person is coming home now so it had better get its nose out of the trash. Some things I'm just not so sure about anymore, like how many of my "God Experiences" were real and how many I made up for the sake of making myself feel accepted... but the point is, Dun Da Da Daaaaah: I know where i'm going. When I die, I mean. Not at all about life, :D I would have never expected life to give me a stupid lightbulb.

The light bulb... in the bathroom both of our light bulbs have died. I feel kind of bad for them because it was a slow and painful death full of flickering and "If you just tap it so that the light bulb moves it should come back on long enough to wash my hands..." but, at long, long last, my lovely Mother changed one, just ONE of the light bulbs. It flickers. It blinks. It is bloody annoying. At least its light though, right? There is still a problem though, the laundry. To our bathroom, there are two doors. One leads to certain death, the other to a million dollars, no, but there are two doors. The only difference really is how one leads to falling on your butt because you tripped over the mounds of laundry, and the other leads to a good meal (i.e., the kitchen). My bedroom has the death-trap door, so in the middle of the night, I have to either blind myself by turning on my bedroom light or I could fall comedically on my behind. Wow, the choices in life, eh? There is nothing to do about my falling predicament, except clean (and as all intelligent lifeforms know, cleaning should always be the last resort, found right before "Death, or clean") or deal with it. I'm going to deal with it. The light bulb is going to be changed though, otherwise I might have to hack the entire fixture right out of the wall with an ax.

What to say next? Only that I will have to tell you more about my experiences with axes ;)

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Poked, again... Oh! and junk about meditation ;)

I tend to get poked a lot, on facebook, I mean. Mostly by my Mother. Thats why I have "POKE" as my picture :). For the longest time we were having "poking" wars, you poke me I'll poke you kinda stuff. She wants to read my texts, "You do that, I poke  you!" I try to read her email over her shoulder "I swear I'll poke you if you don't give me some privacy!". I was forced to raise the white flag last week or so, and then what does she do?? She sends me a picture, of a fb flair, saying POKE!!! She drives me crazy... :p

In all seriousness though, I don't really mind, I TRY to remain calm at all times. It doesn't work though... *sigh* I think I'll take up meditation! I know that its a proven fact that it can help you health to meditate on a daily basis. You know, at one point I mentioned this idea to a friend of mine, Amelia, she told me I was praying to the devil. I have to laugh when I think about that time... I can see where she got the idea though, considering how Buddhists, Hindus, Wiccans, and Atheists can and sometimes do meditate. I'm not saying people from other religions don't, or that they are praying to the devil, but I understand how she got that impression. Away from my friends and their opinions, however, I would like to learn how to meditate. Breath in, breath out... :D

Speaking of religion... Well, maybe I'd better not speak of religion... I don't have enough time to dig myself a grave THAT deep lol, but rest in peace, because its nothing bad... at least, no obscenely so ;)